My Older Sister...

Marsha (age 3 1/2) ---- Me (age 2)

We might have had alot of differences growing up but when push came to shove she would put herself between my Dad and me to stop what was being done to me. I remember the last time my Dad was beating on me and she got right in the middle of it. I moved out with my Cousins not long after that one, then with my Grandmother.

A few years ago when I had my emotional breakdown I moved in with my Mom and Grandmother. They helped me through alot of what I was going through. Marsha also moved back home...

I met Tony on the internet and we dated long distance for several years until I decided to move here to Saint Louis to be with him.

I miss my kids but I love Tony and I love living here... We plan on when he retires to move back home to Arkansas.

Dysfunctional...maybe

I am still struggling to learn the balance of self-love in my adult life


I still distrust others



I have difficulty expressing emotions


I have low self-esteem or have a poor self image


I have difficulty forming healthy relationships with others


I feel angry, anxious, depressed, isolated from others, or unlovable


I have learned it is easier to live far away from my family.





One does not choose this lifestyle. I come from a family that allowed me to be physically and mentally abused. Some say it is just an excuse putting blame on how one is raised. I know I am a survivor in more ways than one. It wasn't until I got into therapy that I realized just how far back my depression went. As a child I tried overdosing twice and both failed but not because it was caught by my parents, my method didn't work. My parents didn't even realize I was trying to commit suicide. I didn't even know I was trying to commit suicide, I just knew I wanted the beatings and scolding to stop.



When ever we did something wrong our Mom would let our Dad handle the punishment.. Usually this meant a beating with a board. How wrong is that? Although I usually got what ever was handy and that depended on if it was within the sight of my Mom or not. If Mom wasn't around it usually was a fist.



My Dad and I have discussed my growing up and why he was like that. He is apologetic now as he knows what he did has affected my life. His only excuse was he was raised with being beat by his father. I can understand that now. I didn't understand it when I was growing up and I never understood why my Mom never intervened. I don't remember ever feeling love from either of my parents when I was growing up. My Grandparents who lived in Rockford, Il and came down for frequent visits showed me the meaning of unconditional love.


I love my parents just in a very distant way. My sisters are much closer to them than I. I am most definitely out in left field when it comes to my family.


As my children get older, my daughter and I get closer and my son and I grow farther apart. Strange how that is because when they were little it was the opposite.

Grandbabies...

Today was one of those days where I wish I had of stayed in bed all day... Although what that would have accomplished is beyond me...

I got to talk to my daughter and listen to my twin granddaughters. They are all doing fine..I am really anxious to go home in a few weeks to see them and my Grandson.

Dog Training...

Obviously you need to get it from the door mat to the DVD player for it to be effective...

Cannon Balls..

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships.

But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was a major problem.The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.There was only one problem-- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round dimples, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey.But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls quickly rusted to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make the plates of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys .

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and contracts more rapidly than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey .

And all this time, you thought that it was just a vulgar expression,didn't you?

Original Post found here: http://honeyimhome-honey.blogspot.com/

"What Storm?"

Woke up this morning to flooded roads and wondered when the heck did it storm??? Feeling for the folks in Oklahoma. Living in Arkansas most of my life, dealing with Severe Storms and Tornadoes is a way of life. It won't be much different here in Saint Louis either as last year we had two sitings near where I live now. Tony mentioned the other night that if it ever happens we will have a very difficult time getting Baxter down into the basement...



The rain has started again and is suppose to last through this afternoon and then our temperatures are suppose to drop significantly. Guess they are right about more winter precipitation to come.. Chance of snow flurries tonight.


So I had decided to stay indoors and clean today. I have one bedroom here upstairs here that I have not tackled yet and after what happened earlier I am not sure I will do it again..LOL


I decided to vacuum under the bed and had to crawl under to reach the backside, well I didn't have to crawl under I could have pulled it out but decided since I was already down I would just use the attachment and reach the backside. I got it done and went to crawl back out and a hook from the bed caught on the belt loop of my jeans, so here I am unable to reach behind me and unhook myself and Baxter comes crawling under the bed and decides my face needs washed at the same time. Here I lay thinking... only me...I seem to get myself in these messes quite often. It took some doing but I finally unhooked myself and the whole time Baxter is thinking I am playing so he is scooting all over the place under there trying to chase my hand and growling at me the whole time...Whew.....

I am tired now and in desperate need of a nap :-)

Feeling much better...

The clock strikes 3 and I have slept most of today away. The wind whipping around hitting the house woke me up. No rain yet so I have put Baxter out in the back yard to get some exercise as when it does start raining he refuses to go outside. Honestly the neighbors more than likely get a big kick out of all they see in this yard. On rainy days you will see Tony walk outside carrying a big umbrella...What? You say that isn't so unusual...well I think it is because he is carrying the umbrella over Baxter and not over himself just so he will go out. Otherwise that dog will sit down at the front door and just look up at you like you are crazy... Smart Dog !!!!

Before I moved up here with Tony, he had lived by himself for quite a few years. This morning I went into the bathroom cabinet looking for some Pepto Bismol for my stomach virus and found some tablets and took me a few of them. Then he reminded me that he had no idea what was in the cabinet or how long they had been there. Turns out they expired Jul of 2004. Medical emergency email to my sister wanting to know if that will effect me... She reassures me that they are "dead ....capoot... fizzled out...no worries"... Whew... I am now going to go through all of it checking expiration dates....hahahahaha

After all of that I was able to lay down and rest and now that I am up from a very long nap. I feel much better.

With today being Baxter's Birthday we will take him out later to McDonald's for a large order of their French Fries. These are his favorite human food and the only ones he gets besides gravy from the dinner table with his dog food.